I was changing in my room a few weeks back, and my 2 year old daughter barges into my room, kisses my tummy and says “Mommy your tummy is awesome!” I was stunned at what a profound moment that was immediately . My stomach has always been “my problem area” it certainly has always been my biggest insecurity. In that sweet moment from my daughter, I felt love for my body, something I have never felt before.
She was right, my tummy is awesome. My body went through a lot of trauma and survived it. It also was her home while she was growing in my womb, and that IS awesome!
For as long as I can remember food has been my coping mechanism. Food and weight have been such a complicated strong hold in my life. Food has always comforted me and helped me numb out. Being over weight has always made me feel safe and in a twisted way made me see who really loves me for me , especially when I was single with men. I’ve struggled a lot of my life feeling unlovable because of my abuse, and this was a weird game I would play to see who really loves me.
To add another layer of complication to this, I grew up in awful diet culture and bought into it for most my life (I’m currently trying to recover from that way of thinking.) so I just piled shame on top of shame when it came to my food addiction and my weight and it’s been a vicious exhausting cycle.
I’ve been doing some work and healing in this area in my life, but nothing has brought me more healing then what my daughter so innocently said to me. I couldn’t help but feel loved by God through her in that moment.
God kisses our wounds and unconditionally loves us in all of our messy, insecure, unhealed work in progress areas, and for exactly who we are.