When abuse is in the family.

I can remember the exact day I realized that I was an incest victim, I was in 8th grade at the movies with a group of friends, it was part of the plot in the movie. My heart sank, I felt exposed and if you could die of embarrassment and shame, I would have dropped dead in my seat. I felt shattered in that moment and none of my friends had a single clue any of that was going on inside of me. Because my abuser was my biological father the layers and family dynamics have and still are so complicated. As I’m writing this as a 39 year old, my father is still trying to convince people that I am a liar, and made all this up, and that he is the actual victim. If you are a victim of incest, you are not alone, it’s not your fault and you didn’t deserve it. I understand the many more layers this adds to your healing and the never ending family drama this can cause when you refuse to be silent about it. You are not responsible for any of the mess this may bring to your family, ALL of the resposibilty belongs to the abuser.

Here is what I would have told my 8th grade self now.

You get through it. You are not alone, you are not the only one who has been through incest. None of the shame or embarrassment falls on you, all of that belongs to your dad. You don’t owe anyone, especially family, any proof or explanation for any of the the abuse you had to go through, the right and helpful ones will believe you automatically. healing comes, you are not dirty, used, unlovable or guilty for any of this. You will actually become incredibly strong and God uses you to help others who are hurting in some amazing ways. You will never get the apology you wanted so bad, but God frees you from needing that, and that is one of the best gifts you will ever receive. You become a wife and a mother and you feel so incredibly loved by Jesus. You don’t have to stay quiet just to keep the peace in the family,  and even though it’s a hard thing for people to hear, you aren’t responsible for the drama is causes, you will be believed and supported by most. This is only a part of your story, and this doesn’t define who you are, or hold you back from fufilling the purpose God has for your life.

A message to the R.Kelly survivors.

For those of you unfamiliar with the R. Kelly documentary here is an article to fill you in. https://www.nytimes.com/2019/01/04/arts/music/surviving-r-kelly.html

To the brave women who shared their story, thank you and I believe you. I believe you. I believe you.

Thank you for standing up against your abuser and standing up for the other victims. As a survivor myself, I know how painful and hard it is to tell your story, to relive the horrendous memories and the nightmares. It’s an incredibly vulnerable place to put yourself in and I have the utmost respect for you all.

You did the right thing.

Thank you for being a voice on a subject that is so misunderstood and often is left unspoken of. Thank you for being a part of the change to bring light into this darkness.

Thank you for your bravery to speak out in such a public way ,that you were able to reach hurting people all over the world. I pray that the amount of people you were able to help gives you peace and strength in your journey of healing.

I’m so sorry you had to go through this.

I pray that you all know how valuable and loved you are, how important your lives are and that the only one who should be feeling any shame is R Kelly.

Matthew 10:26-31

”So do not be afraid of them, for there is nothing concealed or hidden that will not be made known. What I tell you in the dark, speak in the daylight; what is whispered in your ear, proclaim from the roofs. Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell. Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care. And even the very hairs of your hair are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.”